“Hey how are you doing ?”
Pervert Bob asked me out to dinner tonight. “Anywhere you want.” He said. So I had a full Brazilian radizio at Palo Alto. He was his usual self – impatient, shallow, argumentative … I just feasted on my free meat, all-you-can-eat salad and Cabernet. Earlier today, in my apartment , he sends some another dick pic (of course) with some iPhone special effects. It’s a “recycled” dick pic. I later tell him that I’ve seen that picture before. Selfie in front of a mirror with his 5-inch wood while he wore a pair of headphones.
Recalling again, I met PB on Yelp, after I submitted a review for a restaurant where a guy I also met online (OKCupid). PB sent me a “compliment” telling me “I’m trying to guess whether you’re a Quentin Tarantino fan or an Uma fan.”. My profile picture had a caption: “I can dance like Uma Thurman” and my review containing the phrase “5-point-palm exploding heart technique.” .
This guy can’t keep his phone down. His excuse ? “My coworker is trying to pass the buck at me…” Like I cared. I know well enough that PB is a liar since he gets caught each time. I also know that he won’t pay attention to work emails after work. I just didn’t want to keep insinuating that I’m not buying his crap anymore. The last time he lied was last week, texting me “OMG I can’t believe I just got home from work!” Then his Facebook got tagged about a party he was in on that same night he was telling me he worked until late. I’m only here for the free food and great sex. He asked to take me out to dinner and I had no other plans tonight, well then $50 meal. TYVM.
He offers to drive me home the next day instead and asked to go home with him tonight. Hmm, I thought, that will give me a chance to watch on his TV and catch up on some How To Get Away With Murder. I unsubscribed from cable about a month ago and really just rely on Netflix and Amazon for video pleasures. I told him I just need to grab a few things from the house (like my Xanax in case he starts to annoy me and I just need to sleep) and we are good to go.
His place is cold and there’s black stuff on his table from his weed pipe. Really, I had to keep reminding myself that I’m not with this guy anymore. I’m saving my effort and speech for something more worthy. So I tell PB “I’m wondering how many women has those dick pics you send out.” He says that he only sends them to me and I tell him “they’re dated way back 2014, we only met in May. It’s OK, I really just wonder how many women has a picture of you with your naked hard-on.”
Yeah, so the sex was great. I take my sleeping pill, sleep and had this aching in my left chest that woke me up in the middle of the night. “Are you having a heart attack ?” He asked. I sure hoped I wasn’t . I wouldn’t want him to be bringing me to an ER.
So this morning on the drive home for me and for him at the office, I tell him that he doesn’t have to make up stories just to try to hide what he’s doing. I told him that I really couldn’t care less what he is up to…. as a matter of fact, I seldom text him. He denied making up a story initially then later admintted. “I just wanted to not make you feel bad that I didn’t bring you.”
I told him then that I really couldn’t care less what he decides to do with his life. “Just do not make up stories and make me feel sorry for you.” I tell him. “We are not the same as before. I do a lot of things you don’t know about either but I don’t make up stories about them to you. I JUST DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT IT.”
Plus, I don’t share my boobies’ naked pics or my lovely vaginafies to guys who I sense are like this egomaniac. He then called me conservative.
That’s why I don’t tell him a lot of things I do…
OK Shoot Me (Already) 