Most men who I turn down online are good sports about it . Majority of them take it lightly and I don’t often get one that demands an essay of why he didn’t make the cut. When I get lazy, I typically don’t respond at all to those that I do not find interesting at all. Often times those would be guys who are physically unattractive and either start with a conversation that’s utterly boring or just plain sexist like, “I’d like you to cook for me.” or “you can be my Mom and take care of me.”. I mean, shut up already! !! I don’t even bother to type or think about responding to those .
For the past few weeks however, this dude welltreveldman (yes, I noticed it too) has been messaging me with paragraph-long greeting AS IF we’ve known each other for years. At first I did not pay attention to his messages and thought that they would eventually go away. His messages would usually end up with emojis of flowers and hearts. According to his profile, he is 49 years old. However, he absolutely looks like he is ready to retire! I’m not going to say that he is ugly to begin with however, there is no way he was 49. This week he messaged me with another one of his speeches, typically like “Hello Jane, how are you doing today ! I hope you have a wonderful day. It’s a great weather today and your smile adds to the beauty…I was wondering if I can take you out to lunch or coffee…my number is blah blah bloo”.
Last Sunday , he tells me that he has 2 tickets to see a Van Halen at the Amphitheater and was hoping he could take me with him. I was like, “The heck?” . This was probably his 10th or more message and because of the fact that he was asking me out to a concert in the evening totally got my attention. It’s either it made me feel weird or a little impressed. I was impressed with his spunk to be honest. How could someone expect anyone who is a stranger to go hang out with them at night in a concert where Van Halen was performing? Some nerve this guy had, I thought. This is when I finally decide to message him back and told him that although I appreciate the invitation, I really do not prefer meeting people for the first time in that aspect.
“Come on! It’s going to be fun. I understand we haven’t met but I guarantee you I am safe. I can pick you up anywhere you like and we can drive to the concert in one car.If you prefer to meet me at the concert , that’s fine with me too.”
Again, what gives this dude the idea? I thought he may just be naturally nice. I turn him down and since my inbox was flooding with messages already, I send him a text through my phone. I thought I can always block him if he gets too pushy or annoying. He sends me more messages about going to the concert despite me being firm about not meeting up with elderly men after 6. :p
The next day, he sends me videos of the concert. I told him that it looked fun, yadda yadda, yadda… He asks me out to lunch or coffee “or whatever you want to do. I saw we match 94%, doesn’t that mean a big thing ? I also have read the answers to your questions and find you very attractive inside and out.”
Hmm, I thought. Answers to my questions…
I went back to this profile more about him including “his answers to his questions”. It was unbelievable how many questions this guy havs answered! It tells me that he may have been on OKCupid for quite a while now or all he does is answer questions… and stalk women online. Surely, his profile says that he is 49 years old. He has pictures of himself next to a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and inside a private airplane. Nonetheless, there is no way he’s only 9 years my senior. This guy has brown-blonde hair (could be a mix of gray and brown), is 5’11 feet tall and most probably has a BMI of 30. Stocky, wrinkly upper lip area, possibly veneers…you know the deal. He’s an older man. My guess was near 60 years old or close. Pervert Rob is 52 and he looks waaaaaay younger.
To shush him up, I agreed to have him meet me for a drink. Besides that, he kept asking endlessly with each half of the day. By the way, telling welltreveldman that I didn’t have a job seemed to not faze him. “I like your brain and your heart.”. His real name is Jim.
Great. So Monday I meet Jim downtown at a wine bar that just opened. It was around 4:45 pm and the bar was almost empty . I sit down at the bar and at first I thought he was late until he came out of the bathroom. It was easy for me to recognize him because he’s an old man ( plus he really looks like his picture) that looks like an old man dressed in office clothes. Apparently he has already gotten a table (we can have any table we wanted at that time) and he directed me to where it was. He tries to be chivalrous by waiting for me to get seated before he sits down, however that doesn’t really impress me as this is the first date and this is usually where men try to be very impressive. I had very low expectations of this meeting since I did not really expect this man to be in the category of people I will date. First of all, obviously he lied about his age. Second of all, he is obviously way beyond my age limit for men that I would like to date. The first one was already a deal-breaker. To be honest and it is a general rule that if we would like people to like us in an online dating site, the last thing that we would like to do is lie about our age or put a fake profile picture.
Jim began to tell me more about his background. According to him, his boss really likes him and that he really loves his job. He is somewhat a director of marketing for a silicon company near where I live. He then also begins to say that his previous relationships were composed of women that did not seem to have matured over time. While I sip my Sangiovese quietly, he also mentions that he has read all my questions and my answer is and that he is confident that we are very compatible. He kept on mentioning that we match 94% according to the OkCupid measuring standard. During this entire conversation I was just and mostly nodding to whatever he was saying. To be honest (again) I was just glad to be enjoying a good glass of Sangiovese, finish it and order a Pinot Noir . In my head I didn’t care about whatever else he was going to say. I already knew that he is not 49 years old. There is no way that he could be 9 years older than me and I wish that he did not have to lie about his age. There was a higher chance that I would pay attention to what he was saying if I knew that I did not have any reasons to not believe him. I’m just like that. I will trust you fully despite meeting you early if you have no reason for me to not believe you.
Another major deal-breaker for me on guys that I meet online and also guys in real life that I meet is when they start talking about their exes in a not-so-discreet manner . An example would be is when welltreveldman began to discuss about this Asian lady that he used to date who he said was a sex maniac and was still committed to another guy when she hooked up with him . “She said that I performed much better than her boyfriend at the time so she really could not stop herself from throwing herself at me.”
Sigh. Oh puh-lease. May I please order more charcuterie ? ??
So after his next 15-minute-story about the last girl he dated, mostly all degrading and mostly making him the victim or so, I asked him to compare driver’s licenses with me. Without waiting for him to respond I bring out my driver’s license and place it on the table. He then brings out his driver’s license and it shows that he was born 1959. I told him at the time that I was pretty much convinced by looking at his profile pictures that he was not really 49 years old.” What do you mean?” He asks me, “Do I look older and my pictures in person?”
Duh. I was so glad that I had swallowed the last sip of wine before he asked me this question! Otherwise I may have choked or sprayed the wine on his face.
“You don’t look like you’re 49. That is all I can say. You look older than what you say you are and I’m just being honest.”
The smug expression on his face as he was describing his previous relationships changed to a bitter expression as if he was a 7-year-old boy and his mama told him that he cannot be out with his friends because he has house chores to do.
He then proceeded to tell me that he put 49 on his profile because he wanted to meet my age limit. He said that he felt younger than his age and knew that he looks younger than his age.
His mama probably told him the last part.
Later he says that he’s got lots of life achievements and is financially well-off. He added that if we get a chance to know more abour each other and get intimate, I may need a whole day to rest in bed as it would be hard to me to walk . Now before he finished that statement, I made sure this time that whatever was in my mouth was already gone.
He asks me about what I look for in a man AND THEN tells me that in that case we will get along very well.
“I’m unemployed.” I reiterate in a slightly diplomatic way.
“I do like your heart though. I believe in you and I know you will get a job soon.” , he says and grabs my hand. Sure, I don’t pull my hand back. That’s the most I can do to repay him for the good wine and cheese and meat plate. What the fuck does this idiot know about my heart? For all I know, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on the pair that’s lying on top of my heart.
We get done with the wines and leave the bar. It was around 7pm or so. He walks me to my car and tells me he had a great time and wants to see me again. I shudder inside and tell him that I will check my schedule (TV schedule, that is). I give him a hug good-bye .
Jesus take the wheel as I drive home and couldn’t be more grossed out with myself for hugging him. He continues to text me throughout the week and says he could not wait until he can take me out to dinner and see me again. I just keep ignoring him! That doesn’t stop him though. His messages kept on pouring first thing in the morning like 7 o’clock and they look like exactly the same type of messages he would send me on OkCupid with hearts and flowers emojis in the end of each text.
I finally replied to his messages and told him that I can only be friends with him. His response was sounding as if it was an “Obection, Your Honor!” and wanted it sustained ! I can almost laugh at the douchebaggery.
He insisted that we are very compatible.
“I don’t think I will be happy with you, Jim.”
He asks me to tell him what made me think that.
Eyes roll deliriously in my head. I tell him that really, I have a different taste in men plus I was not completely impressed by the age fibbing. I tell him that it was hugely a turn off.
“Well I know who I am and I am a good man with qualities better than ordinary.”, he says.
I respond with, ” Then it should not be difficult for you to find a woman if that’s what you say you are.”
Talk about someone who demands an explanation as if I was his middle school kid and I get caught coming home at 4 in the morning !
He doesn’t text me again the rest of the week. I delete his OkCupid messaging from my threads and assigned him to “Hide” so he doesn’t get suggested as one of my matches ever again.